Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
