I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
