guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
