pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
