Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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