I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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