I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
