What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We have started to decorate penises.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
