he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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