update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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