So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
