if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
