chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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