Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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