so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
