I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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