Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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