So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
