You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
