WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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