its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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