Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
