So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
