Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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