Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
a search helicopter?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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