so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
