Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
