I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
