Your tits are I can't wait for
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
