I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
