I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
