He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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