She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
