I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
