Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
