I could have mohawked her pubes.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We have started to decorate penises.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
