someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
