Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
