consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
