totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
