He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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