don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
