i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
