so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
