I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
