Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Its about making memories worth repressing
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
