I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
