Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He felt like a one man threesome
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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