her vagine was all disorganized.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
