Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
