Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
