Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
