You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
