I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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