Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
