i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
