this boner is exhausting
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
