A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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