I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
