Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
