idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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