I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
