I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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