He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
