i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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