Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize