Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
