you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
