Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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