ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
