Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
