Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
