I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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