Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
