Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
