My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
