i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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