guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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