Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
