I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
your like the ambassador to my penis.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
