It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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